I have a friend who stays home with his kids and couldn't be happier. I knew him for a couple of years before he quit his 'day job' and there wasn't any change in him either. If I recall correctly he had some of the same experiences initially (ignorance, jealousy or just plain stupidity). What he really noticed was the change in his kids, their behavior improved immensely. Prior to that they were in daycare.
I resemble the guy who identifies with his job quite a bit. I don't introduce myself as an engineer, but it pretty much comes out once you get to know me. I don't have any hobbies right now either, unless you count websurfing and blogging.
I think you misunderstand why men identify so strongly with their job, and by-the-way, it's not necessarily a bad thing. For most guys, particularly those in their 20's and early 30's, they've worked towards and been encouraged to pursue a job their entire life. When they finally land something beyond McDonalds, they're thrilled with it - having a paycheck, suddenly having a future that looks past the next weekend, a sense of responsibility, a sense that someone besides their parents trusts them, they're thrilled with the whole shootin match. It's a Huge Deal to most young men and radically changes their lives.
Of course, as they get older, get married/kids/hobby, and realize what working for a living mean (i.e., they "mature") then some of the shine wears off.
Having a job and liking your job are important things. It's important to keep a perspective about it, but we (men) are commanded by God to have a job, so it's kinda built in, more so than marriage or kids.
I would think that for the well-balanced and highly masculine male, the wife and kids would lend an added dimension of meaning to his life's work. Not only does he fulfill his purpose on earth (be it truck driver, mechanic, doctor, teacher, at-home supah dad, etc.), but he provides for the well-being of those he loves and those who love him. It's his part in being made in God's image.
Nate, glad you've spoken out about this. And the other Natenicks too. It's good to know that men find work (in whatever form it takes) and building a home (not just the house) and raising a family to be important endeavors, integral to being who they are.
I'm looking forward to meeting a man who wants to be the best husband and father he can be, in addition to best employee he can be.
Once apon a time every dad was a stay at home dad. They worked the farm or ran a business that they livied upstairs of or at least just down the street from. Kids went to "work" with dad and they grew up learning how to be adults becasue they spent most of their time with them.
Childern need full time parents. Its great that you get to be one. Although I venture that things whould be different if Dr. Who was makeing 40 grand as a manager at wal mart and you where staying at home.
You know what ya call a stay-at-home Dad in TN?
A Farmer.
That's the plan.
And Bill's right about guys in the mid 20's and early 30's. The problem I have is with the guys in their 40's that still haven't gotten over that crap.
Nate,
I could be real happy as a rancher or farmer. Bad part about it is you either have to inherit it or make a few million bucks in something else to go into it.
NAte: You've had people comment negatively about being a stay at home dad? I have had few comments and all positive, at least to my face. There are two women at church that seem to be disapproving, but have never said anything about the way my wife and I have arranged out lives. Not that we care. And we homeschool!!!
Res Ispa: It is possible to make money at farming. Just think small and sell directly to the consumer Check out 'Countryside Magazine and Small Stock Journal' and 'Acres USA.'
The wife and I are working towards some type of home based business i.e. farming, to get her out of the corporate world. She makes about 80K incl. benfits but the time it keeps her away from home is NOT compensated by the $$$. I would be happy to live on 1/3 of what she makes if it kept her at home with us. Working together and raising our children in the Lord is far more important the large $. I would rather store up treasure in Heaven that stuff here on Earth.
Yeah.. it's all in marketing. You can make plenty of money selling "organic" food to suckers who live in the city for outregeous prices.
The only negative responses I've gotten have been from 40 year old middle-managment losers and "modern" women who think I'm compensating.
compensating for what?
Poor Jenee. She just doesn't have any clue, does she?
So will, is Mose gonna take her last name?
You can make money at farming even if you don't sell to the "speciality" markets. My grandfather was a small dairy farmer in the midwest. He was always in the black and everything my gma made teaching school went straight into the bank. Of course, being a successfull small farmer in the 70's and 80's gets you lots of attention from Big Brother and he was constantly being audited.
I recently read about a book called "Plowmans Folly" by Edward Faulkner. Has anybody here heard of it or read it. The synopsis I've read has given me hope that I can someday become a farmer myself and be successful at it.
The book is in my cart on Amazon at the moment.
I would have to disagree. That is definitely NOT true of all liberal women.
Darlin' nothing is true of all of anyone.
REAL liberal women, Mary Beth. Not just the pacifists.
The really funny part about liberal women finding out about me is that they immediately assume that I have a lot of liberal views. When they find out that I have (shudder) GUNS in the house and am teaching my girls how to shoot, all of the sudden I go from sister-under-the-skin to mouthbreathing Neanderthal knuckledragger.
It also supremely pisses them off when I disprove their notions of intellectual and/or moral superiority (not that that's difficult).
I believe that many professional women have defined themselves by work and income as thoroughly as men have.
Papa,
They don't define themselves by work or income. They define themselves by Title.
What's important to a career man is his performance in a position.
Career women judge success by getting the promotion in the first place.
To them, it doesn't matter if you're the worst CEO in the history of America. They were a success because they were a CEO.
Nate, they were a "success" with that title because they had broken into the man's world. See, they want to scream, women can do anything men can. Whatever. As to stay at home dads. I give you all a lot of credit, yes, farmer's are stay at home dad's, but they don't have primary child care responsibilities, that goes to the farm wives. Not all, or I would guess even many, men could really do what stay at home dad's do, men just aren't generally wired that way.
SB, we're also not socialised to do "women's work". Of course, most girls today aren't socialised to do "women's work" either. As I've said before, I'm a pretty good cook, and I do good laundry, but general cleaning is below par. My mom could keep an immaculate house with 4 kids, I can't do it with just 2.
Sure Papa, but most guys would go crazy with the kids for that many hours a day. As to the cleaning, well, you can't eat off of my floors either, but if you come to my house I'm not going to make you eat off of them anyway so what difference does it make? I hate doing laundry, I have no idea why. Intellectually I know that it is probably the easiest job in the house. I'm not down by the river banging my clothes on a rock or even putting it through the mangler like my gma had, but for some reason I hate it with a passion.
here, my clothes are washed by hand on a scrub surface, then hung to dry, then ironed.....of course i don't have to do it...that's why i hired a maid for less than $5 a day! hehe...you can be jealous now...
Laundry Shoots. The next house is having Laundry Shoots dammit.
As for cleaning... I like I said before. 100 bucks a month. Get a maid.
Nate: "Laundry Shoots. The next house is having Laundry Shoots dammit."
Is that where you hang the clothes on the line outdoors, then take potshots at them, before going to the store and buying brand new ones?
Or did you mean a Pair a' Chutes?
"Hey, all y'all c'mon over t' the homestead this weekend, we're having a Grand Ol' Laundry Shoot."
Sorry, couldn't resist it, Nate. I've been sitting here in my cube laughing myself silly over that one.
Yes, now you get to laugh at me for sitting in a cube.
Laundry?
Buy a fancy, high-tech washing machine - we will fight to do laundry. Have ya'll seen the ones that use very little water, haul ass on the spin cycle, SS drums, direct drive (no belts), and frontloading with water-tight seals?
If I could just get the wife to let me play with, er I mean 'use' her KitchenAid mixer.....
-
JACIII: "Have ya'll seen the ones that use very little water, haul ass on the spin cycle, SS drums, direct drive (no belts), and frontloading with water-tight seals?"
Yes, they've been using them in Europe for years.
JAC--
I love those! They're on my list of dream appliances. Since they're metal and make noise they can be classified as a tool, which the hubby finds somewhat attractive as well.
I forgot about your maid, Nate- I was wondering if you actually clean the bathroom. Out of all the stay at home men I've known, that's the one thing they have in common. They don't mind cookin' or doing laundry, some even enjoy vacuuming. But none of them clean toilets.
SB---- isn't it funny how we detest some of the simplest chores? Mine is dusting. Couldn't really be any easier, but I hate it. Laundry not so bad. Dusting, not so much.
JAC, get a meat grinder and sausage extruder attachment for the mixer. She'll let you play with the mixer all you want then, and there are plenty of GOOD sausage recipes on the Web. Also, you can make your own hamburger as lean as you want with less chance of salmonella.
Why just today I had a mtg with one of those middle management militant Feminists. She came into the room like she was going to bite somebody's head off. Wasn't suppossed to be a bad mtg, just a mtg to go over some procedures/policies just an exhange of communication.
It only took me about 5 minutes to warm her up and get her to smile and put away the goofballs.
I don't know, but I have a way with the old ladies (55+) and lesbians.
They are drawn to me for some strange reason...
And about this "work" you keep talking about... My work is to sail the family yacht to the various islands of the Carribean. I am working on that promotion.
I am home, but still working two days a week and SR only works part-time, so she is home for two days. Only leaves one day where the boys are not with us... but I guess grandma will have to do. The boys love it, grandma spoils 'em.
Until we have our mortgage like student loans paid off, it will stay that way... that's the only major debt we have besides the house.
Although I have been talking to SR about moving into a cheaper house so one of us could stay home full time. She doesn't like the idea of the boys living IN Detroit. 
Promotions, career, job titles, feh. You can have 'em. Give me my boys and I am happy and fulfilled.
I have a very nice washer (front load) and dryer, it's not so much that part as the folding and putting away part. I didn't say it made sense, it just is.
bufelda, I can get my hubby to vacuum on occasion, never dust, but he does the dishes and I wouldn't let him near the laudry. The one thing he will NOT do is the bathrooms!
Which is fine, we don't have the same standard of clean. When we were dating he lived with three other guys and I refused to use their bathroom, it was so disgusting.
I clean the bathroom, I just don't do so to the satisfaction of my wife.
By cleaning, I mean spraying down the tub with that bubble stuff, wiping it down, and hosing it off. The toilet is hosed, then scrubbed with a brush.
I'll note that if you keep bleach in the tank you reduce cleaning work enormously.
As for washers... I want that new badass dryer at Home Depot that dries clothes hanging up!!!
For the record, if I lived alone, I'd never do any of this.
I'm working on plans to add a second story to our house, and make a bedroom next to the MBR into a laundry room. I'm thinking of a chute from 2nd floor to this room.
Oh, speaking of laundry chutes...
[[ STOP READING HERE IF YOU'VE EVER BEEN GROSSED OUT ]]
Once when I had to do a few months of community service I was assigned to Norristown State Hospital, which was a mental hospital. Being, at the time, 19 years old and reasonably sized, I was sent over to the ward for the Really Seriously Mentally Ill, or whatever they called it. These were some weird people. Most of them just sat and drooled all day, but some of them seemed to be obviously demonically possessed.
One particular guy decided to escape by sliding down the laundry chute. Headfirst. He got stuck between floors and was found a few days later when people noticed something coming out of the chute that was not laundry. What a way to go.
Make the chute small.
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