mentalblog.com comments:
Nice fresh perspective.
"like shooting a friking fish in a barrel." guffaw
Though I have heard from girls themselves that "it's so hard to find good guys".
"you can have literally dozens of girls drawn to you like to a magnet."
The thing is that you don't need dozens of girls
J-
That is unless you write a cynical acerbic blog that chases them all away
But keep writing - it is entertaining
The crisis is the other way around. There are not enough guys.
'There are not enough guys'
my point exactly.
who ever said there weren't enough women?
there's a huge crisis in that there aren't enough women interested in marrying older guys.
the guys don't want to marry when they're younger, and the women want guys their age..
so you end up with a lot of women holding out, getting older and more desperate, and a lot of older men who are single (also getting older) who no women are interested in looking at seriously.
it is an artificial market.. but it's a product of the culture and the day and age we live in.
yitz, what do you mean "but it's a product of the culture"?
Tzemach,
that guys only want younger women and women only want guys their age..
presumably in the past, women were married off to older men with almost no say in the matter--hence problem solved.
older men + younger women is the most stable relationship in nature..
but culturally it isn't so approved of nowadays.
(note: to whom it may concern, this does not express my personal preferences, nor am I stating how I think things *should* be.)
yitz, in the past people would marry early so there was no time to develop the age gap. In light of this I am not sure what 'past' are you talking about?
If you want to say that women had no say in marriage arrangements period, young or old, that's another story.
could you elaborate on the "the most stable relationship in nature.. '?
Tzemach, in the past, people wouldn't marry early. Old men would marry young women.
As far as I know, men first sought out parnasa, then once they were 'made men' they would marry a young girl, often 12-13 yrs old.
That's definitely the route taken by much of the sepharadi/muslim world. Even the gemara says ben shmonah esrei l'chupa. (you don't think they meant ben shmonah esrei l'bat shmonah esrei? it was 18 yr old men marrying 12-13 yr old women. At age 18 they should have already been financially independent. (there was no grade-school or highschool certainly not university for the mainstream)
In the recent past this started changing in the western world (perhaps a little more than 100 yrs ago)
As far as "the most stable relationship in nature" An older more mature man can better support and protect a young wife who is more fit for childbirth and child-rearing.(and the accompanying children) He gets "too" old around the same time his sons are of marriage-able age. Meaning that until they are married they can help support and defend the family as he 'ages'..
In a more civilized society this becomes less necesary, and as women are as educated and as capable as men, the distinction goes mostly away.
BUT, like I said above, the modern female desire to marry someone close to her own age clashes with the ancient male desire to marry a younger woman creating this 'buyers market', the men are under less pressure and get into the game later, while the women become more desperate around the 30-year mark. (mainly for child-bearing reasons)
Also, most people don't realize that because older men married younger women, women ended up in matriarchal roles as grandmothers. (the grandfathers were far older and more infirm, if even still alive) As the age-gap diminishes, this role is marginalized AND the women generally are becoming mothers at an older and more physically challenging age, not just the birthing, but the parenting as well.
for better or for worse this is what's happening and buyer's market or not, everyone's life becomes more challenging because of it.
The best advantage I could think of for people marrying older (late twenties early thirties) is the potential for more fulfilling marriages because people are more developed when they marry--though perhaps I'm being optimistic.
yitz, there is one thing about your post, you seem to make sense till you actually start elaborating on your own words. you call 18 -15 age difference?
I think its a conspiracy floated by the shadchunim unions- you see they get more business by hooking guys up with girls not for them- creating a bigger market. They are utilized much more then ever because no one can seem to make a good match- more fresh meat for the shadchuns means more excuses to their husbands why they are not working.
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