You might enjoy the 'Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense' book series by Elgin.
Helped me get over the confrontational impulse to be first to refute the guest.
What made "Dr. Jone's" questioning style so effective is that he was always willing to be wrong (while he seldom was - he was one smart bugger!).
That kind of humility should be the hall mark of academics and philosophers - after all, isn't philosphy the "love of truth"?
Unfortunately, it's hard seeking truth - it often leads us to places we'd rather not go. So, instead we dig in and defend our positions rather than go where it takes us, however uncomfortable.
I was truly impresed by my grad school mentors. Although some had built careers on positions taken, they were invariably willing to reexamine them and to change them (sometimes altogether) in the face of new evidence. Real academic mensches (sp?).
Thanks for that post. I am having the same kind of problem, due entirely to my failure to follow good advice such as that given by our good friend Benjy.
And here I am, smack dab in Philadelphia, a graduate of his university and the law school attached thereto, and unable to Win Friends and Influence People because I usually start with "You're wrong, and here's why" instead of, "Perhaps I'm missing something, but does your argument explain why...." I've seen it done, and it works wonders in terms of easing tension and focusing interest on the subject of the question, rather than on the personalities.
Eh N.
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