I'd never heard of this Ezzo fellow before reading your essay, but it sounds like he's a bit of a nut--or worse. Some time between the birth of our first and second child I learned the wisdom of not allowing the house to become too child-centered. A child-centered approach not only wears the parents out, it teaches the child to be selfish. How in the world could a parent-centered household be better? How about a Christ-centered household?
Well, I've checked out Tulip Girl's site and followed several of the links. Based on what I've read, it sounds like these Ezzo folks are dangerous. You and your husband are doing right to speak out against the Ezzo's for-profit baby rearing scheme.
Milton:
How about a Christ-centered household?
That is exactly what I was thinking when I was typing my post this morning.
We never used his baby rearing scheme, but we attempted to employ his plan with our older children, and it was not a good thing for our family.
I had Babywise presented to me by a Christian physcial therapist who came into our home to work with our son when he was about six months old. It just didn't sound right to me. I couldn't stand treating a baby like that.
OK, have the Ezzo's released a newer version of the Babywise book? Because I have a copy, and it seemed to advocate a sort of in-the-middle approach between strict scheduling, and no scheduling at all (by the way, it makes me laugh that we prolly pronounce that differently!)
I suppose it maybe comes down to how people approach these things, perhaps. I was just looking for tips because we had done no scheduling at all with No1, and with No2 to deal with, I was tearing my hair out not knowing how to balance the different demands. I thought all the questionable stuff was in To Train up a Child.
The only encounter I've ever had with an Ezzo parent didn't go very well. Our children were three months apart in age, and she was so persistent that my parenting style was wrong, and that her way, or rather, the Ezzo way, was the ONLY way. Thankfully, I didn't get caught up in all of that. Unfortunately, I did get caught up with the Pearls method with my first child. Don't even get me started on THAT topic.
The mother lode of material about Ezzoism is a site maintained by Steve Rein: http://www.ezzo.info/
Christianity Today published an article about the Ezzos several years ago that substantively questioned their credibility.
We went through "Growing Kids God's Way," and I was all for it, UNTIL I actually had my baby. I subsequently found out that my friends who had used the method and recommended it had not strictly followed the Ezzo's guidelines. They had used their God-given motherly instincts and "Christ in them" to guide them in caring for their babies.
Excellent post.
Phil:
Thanks for inserting that link there. I should have mentioned that in my post.
Libbie:
I do think the problem is that people tend take these things to the extremes. The problem is also that when addressing the Ezzos directly, they come across as a little less balance. This is only my personal observation, as I had the opportunity to speak to them when they came to our church.
Hi Kim-
As a new mother, I really appreciated this post! Before my son was born in February people constantly talked to me about parenting techniques--especially Babywise. I read it and took a few good points away--ie: not letting the child run our lives and some pratical scheduling ideas. But the rest of it I could not do because it was much too rigid and like one of your comments says "parent-centered". Recently I tried reading a book by Dr. Sears who is the big 'attatchment parenting' guru and I can see how his views might lead to a little chaos if you let the child direct everything. Do you have any recommendations for books that present a more balanced perspective for training a child in the way he should go? I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Kim, ah, I see. That's probably why I didn't notice it. I have a built-in filter when it comes to 'baby advice books', so I must have just filtered out the nonsense like I filter out the patronizing gubbins in secular baby books.
I had heard about the concerns with the Ezzos, although I've not actually read To Train up a Child. I only recently learned that Shepherding a Childs Heart by Tedd Tripp was also controversial - that's the one we base much of our discipline on.
Biggest problem with absolutely ANYTHING is when people start suggesting that their views on this kind of the things are akin to God's, which appears to be the problem with the Ezzos.
The key here is balance. Some of the Ezzo principles are helpful--not Biblical.
My real issue for me is not failure to thrive or schuduling etc, but Ezzo's unwillingness to submit to elders and pastors. He just changes churches. Often.
Janet: Bingo. Well said. I think some of Ezzo's critics (the secular ones in particular) deliberately exaggerate their criticism of the principles he teaches. There are other, more important, reasons Christians ought to avoid Ezzoism.
As far as the principles are concerned, the problem is not so much what Gary teaches, but the way he mingles matters of biblical principle and matters of personal preference all together and deliberately blurs the line.
For instance, I have no problem with someone using a feeding schedule for infants. That's how our pediatrician advised us to do it, five years before we met Gary Ezzo. And it worked well for all our boys.
On the other hand, there's nothing necessarily "biblical" about feeding by schedule, either. In normal cases, it would seem to be one of those indifferent matters Romans 14 talks about.
But it's not an "indifferent matter" in the case of failure-to-thrive infants. In such cases, "parent-directed feeding" can be downright deadly. Refusal to heed a doctor's advice out of some misguided devotion to the Ezzoite system is nothing less than sinful parental malfeasance. (See the principle of Luke 11:11-13.)
Unfortunately, Ezzo himself does not carefully and sufficiently distinguish between what's merely good advice and what's a matter of biblical principle. Though I think he has tried to cover up this deficiency in his teaching in recent years, and perhaps he has softened his claims a bit, there's no doubt that he is to a very large degree responsible for his over-devoted followers' confusion about what God says versus what Gary says. (The name "Growing Kids God's Way" more or less epitomizes what all devoted Ezzoites believe. Communities of hard-core Ezzoites often become cultlike when allowed to go to seed.)
On this and other, more even more serious matters of personal integrity, Gary has been confronted repeatedly by people to whom he should be accountable, and his consistent response has been to move out from under the accountability of anyone who challenges him—then treat all his critics as enemies. This is a long-standing pattern which in my view disqualifies him from the kind of public ministry he is doing.
In fact, it seems to me that Gary Ezzo's years-long pattern of run-ins with church after church where he was a member ought to be enough reason for other churches and Christian parents to steer clear of him. These things are well documentd from several reliable sources. So it's astonishing that evangelical churches ostensibly devoted to the authority of Scripture still have him in to speak.
As Phil said, we did schedule feedings for our boys. But it was a flexible schedule--something like Feed every 3 to 4 hours(not more than every 3 hours and not less than every 4 1/2) in the beginning. Our boys were all born healthy and good size and did well with this schedule.
And if they were crying we found out why.
I first heard about the Ezzos from a former classmate, when my oldest was 18 months old, i.e. twelve years ago. By that time I had enough experience and common sense to decline. My classmate is now a personal friend of GE; his sister and BIL are certified Ezzo trainers. At his insistence I read a few of GE's books several years ago and was horrified. They go against every maternal instinct we have. GE guilt trips the new parents into treating their babies and toddlers in a completely unnatural way. I'm not sure how he does it. I really wonder what's going to happen in the next few years, when the first generation of Ezzoed kids hits adolescence and then leaves home to live independently. Great post Kim, thank you for writing this.
Wow, great comments! I don't think I could add anything else.
Christa:
I don't have any good recommendations for infant books. We didn't use the Ezzo baby plan. We were similar to Darlene and Phil. My mother recommended a flexible schedule of 3-4 hours and she recommended trying to distinguish the cries of my children to more adequately respond to their needs. It worked very well. My children all slept through the night at about six weeks, all were healthy, happy babies.
Phil said this:
The name "Growing Kids God's Way" more or less epitomizes what all devoted Ezzoites believe. Communities of hard-core Ezzoites often become cultlike when allowed to go to seed.
This is the straw that really broke the camel's back for me. Among some of the Ezzoites in our church, there was a bit of an exclusive nature to the point where one mother wouldn't allow her children to play with kids whose parents did not embrace the GFI material. That did it for us.
Ironically, my daughter, about two years ago, said: "Mom, have you ever noticed that the kids of the really die hard GFI families are really bad when their parents aren't looking?" I thought about it, and I observed, and she was correct for many of those families.
I was in the nursery some time ago, talking to a mother who is a Ezzo fan, and she had such an attitude about the whole situation. I was saddened to see that his teaching still has a lot of influence.
Libbie:
I didn't realize Tripp's book was controversial, either. I read it, and took from what I liked. I really liked his brother's book Age of Opportunity.
I'm totally against gurus of any kind, especially parenting gurus. To me, the real "gurus" ought to be the men and women who have successfully raised their children. There was a time when women could rely on the help and expertise of other women. Then motherhood and domesticity got all "professionalized" and things changed. The best advice I have been given with regard to babies came from my own mother and other mothers.
I was well on my way to a FTT baby (my fourth child)but it was not because of a parenting program we chose to use at the time, it was because, plain and simple, my baby and I were having a difficult time nursing (latching on). We weighed her often and when she dipped below what the doctor was comfortable we began supplementing. God used that in my life to humble me and show me that giving a baby a bottle is not all bad.
I've always found a flexible schedule to be a good thing for me and my babies, but Ezzo followers tend to get fanatical about it--to a dangerous extreme.
A book I recommend as a balanced approach is called Secrets of the Baby Whisperer (by Tracy Hogg). She's British, not Christian, not dogmatic but very commonsense about finding a flexible schedule that isn't by the clock, but is more of a routine and fits with your parenting style and your baby's temperament. It's very helpful without the pressure to do it "God's way."
However, the Baby Whisperer's breastfeeding advice is really off the mark, and mothers following that program seem to have milk supply difficulties just as do mothers following Babywise. And unfortunately the Eat-Wake-Sleep program can mask the baby's need to feed more frequently, just as it can with Babywise.
Kim, what a wonderful service you do by bringing these concerns to light in such a balanced way.
Also thanks to Phil Johnson for bringing his knowledge to the discussion, I'm so grateful.
I had a failure to thrive baby (my fourth) I demand fed her four months. I was told by so many well meaning friends I was doing such great harm to her by demand feeding. Spoiling her. Nonsense. She is still petite but a healthy 12 year old girl today. Parent directed feeding would have only benefited me. And that seems to be the focus of much of this teaching.
I agree with the previous comments, we need a Christ centered home. Yes, God is a God of order. But He is also a God of grace and that's the part that seems to be missing from their material.
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