Speak to me
If you need to exchange notes about stroppy pre-pubescent daughters, who are undoubtedly gorgeous, but infuriating, you know where I am!
K x
I've just come here through Jay's blog so being an absolute newbie, I can't comment intelligently on your current situation. But, as a girl who had a Dad who loved her but rarely showed it, I can tell you it's really important for Dads to be there for their daughters. Its not easy - lord knows adolescent girls are a royal pain in the ass - but the effort is worth it and its good to see a Dad such as yourself who is going to make that effort 
PS I love the look of your blog. Very cool.
Hon, even though you are in a rough part of fatherhood, I am sure you'll get thru it. I can't imagine (yet) what that's like, but you seem to have the right idea and view upon it. Time, patience, love...
Happy New Year babe! Good Luck and BIG BIG MUAH to your grey hair!
You sound very down. It concerns me.
Are you going to be okay?
Do you need me to come there? Would you like to call and talk about it? Should I download skype?
Being the mother of a teenage daughter I can tell you that you're going to survive this, believe it or not, you will. I think the hardest thing is that they always hit this weird stage just when we're at our lowest. Just when we start to realize how much we need them -- really need them, really want to be a part of them, really love them -- they want to do nothing but get away from us.
Those eyes that used to look so innocently adoring at us now either glare or roll at us. They just get so damned independent so fast.
Chey makes me crazy sometimes. One minute she's a ball of female hormonal anger, and the next she's throwing herself on the bed crying because I hurt her feelings. Sometimes I just wanna throw myself on the bed and cry like that too. She has no idea how lucky she is to be allowed the luxury of her emotional outbursts.
I wouldn't push it too hard. I'd keep plugging away at work. You'd be surprised how much they love you when you're successful.
And I'm speaking from my own experience as a girl and as a daughter, not as a representitive of my entire gender, so I don't want anyone to get offended...
Girls like 'stuff'. Stuff is important. And they like bragging rights. Bragging rights are important. And you get bragging rights when your dad buys you 'stuff'. When he slips you enough money to go to the movies with your friends and then throws in some extra so you can stop off for a coffee or go get a pedicure. She'll do things with you too. But only if you adore her. Because that what girls really want. They want to be spoiled. Even if only on a small scale. They want to know that you love them so much that you can't resist their charms. Every girl wants to have her dad wrapped around her finger. To say to her friends 'my dad is crazy about me'. Every girl wants her dad to think she's wonderful, so every little criticism is like a stab to the heart. So don't. Just keep looking for the good stuff. Her beautiful eyes, her creativity, her independent spirit. Make sure she hears those things from you.
Before long she'll be dragging you to the mall or the coffee shop, and you'll hear the bragging in her voice as she says to her friends that this is my dad. And as you leave them to do their girl stuff you'll hear them giggling. 'Oh my god! You're dad is so hot... smart... funny... sweet... cool... (Fill in the blank). You're so lucky. I wish my dad was like that.' And then you'll have her. She'll adore you.
She'll take you out just to show you off. Of course she probably won't speak to you at all the next day. Cause girls do that. Run hot then cold. But you will have the good days. You'll learn to measure life by the good days.
So focus on getting where you need to be. The world is not a happy place right now. Life is hard... and it's not fun. But try to give in to her. Learn to bend, learn to compliment her on her creative hairdo just in that moment when you'd rather throttle her for her crap attitude.
A good start towards changing the way your daughter looks at you is to invite her and her girlfriends over for dinner. Cook something fancy. Serve them like a maitre'd. Pour them grape juice in wine glasses. Wear an apron. Then dance around the kitchen like a chippendales dancer. Rub napkins and pans against your bottom and pronounce yourself god's gift to spaghetti. Make them laugh.
By the time you sit down to eat they'll be spilling their hearts out about which boys they like and who's fighting with whom, and who is cheating on who. And who's a total slut (No. You can't ask if her mother is single!)
It's an interesting and fast-paced world that young girls inhabit. If you're truly going to get close to her you may as well jump in and get used to the water. You might even like it.
I have a feeling you will.
Happy New Year Doll!
xx
HAPPY NEW YEAR! Have a wonderful 2008!
~xo
Lee Ann
Sending all the best wishes your way in 2008 my friend!
Great choice of a song -- fits the mood just right
Everything will work out fine, have a great New year
happy new year hon. This is one of my fave GnR songs.
Re Livvy, she's a teen. I remember being 13 and literally feel myself change personality. I was a totally different person during most of my teen years. I was pretty much always pissed off at something, or someone. She will come around eventually and yes maybe it's a good idea to have 'the talk'. I got "the yell" - let me tell you, it didn't work. Go 'the talk' instead.
Yeah, I think you got it figured out. It's a process and does it ever take patience! Do something bout that back, please. Have a fantastic New Year. Oh, it's already New Year for you. Well, then, how is it?
From birth to 13, I was Daddy's Little girl. And there are plenty of photos to prove it. We spend EVERY Sunday together, having breakfast, fetching the paper and me a comic book. He was my world
When I was 14- 17 my father was the worst, mean, nasty human in the world to me. All I wanted was money and not to be where ever he was.
At 17 in college, my world changed and I fell back in love with him and wanted nothing more than to be with him. Which he retired from work my Freshman year in college and he loved to come visit on the weekends and take my sorority sisters and I out to dinner drinking etc.
To this day my Dad is my best friend and I am madly in love with him and think he is the absolute best man in the world. No one can compare.
Give Livvy time. She's a teenager. It's not that she doesn't love you, she is just finding her way with all that mother nature throws at her. She loves you, she just doesn't show and probably won't. Don't want to get your hopes up.
But just be there for her.. and her is a tip, the shorter the conversation the better, talking to my dad as a teenager i keep thinking in my head, when in the hell will he get to the point i have friends to call and hair to brush!
It's almost 20 past your time. Happy New Year my friend may it be magical and 2008 kind to you and yours.
XOXOXO
I moved back to where I live now so that I could be there for my younger sister during her teenage years. It was difficult to see her change from the sweet girl to the surly teen. She started changing at 12...
12 to 15 were awful years
16 she was wonderful
17 to 19 she was awful again!
I believe that manipulation is a tool many young girls learn and if one parent is teaching it (consciously or unconsciously), it is hard for the other parent to counter-act it. I wish you luck!
Excellent perspective, dear T. Good for you for rethinking things from various angles.
A life without self examination is a life without self improvement, and a dull life indeed.
Please keep us informed (as best you can while comfortable with it all)... and,
Happy New Year sweetie!
This was a lovely post and very heartfelt. Livvy is in some respects being a typical, difficult teenager but at the same time, certainly in terms of father daughter relationships, it's a pretty crucial time. If you do what you've suggested, it will go a long way to reconnecting. I hope that things start to get better soon and the best thing you can do is separate your relationship with her from that of your ex wife. Good luck and happy new year Mr Pubes xxx
Parenthood is a journey, not a destination. You're in the rough waters now; you simply have to learn to navigate these waters. I think the "reconnecting" idea is spot on. And trying to remember that her hormones are all over the place, and thus, so will be her moods. Patience indeed.
I wish you many more blessings for the new year. And thanks for blessing me. xo
I believe the key is including your daughter in decision making, giving her choices, making her feel respected and listening to her.
This can range from 'what should we have for dinner tonight' (and doing it) to sitting down and asking her for some girl advice.
Kids know what works for kids. Stop trying to solve it from an adult perspective and ask HER what she needs. She knows. She's probably just waiting to be asked.
I'm UP!!!
i feel ya on your remarks re your daughter...i did the same thign with my daughter, with disastrous results. i focused too much on how my spouse was ignoring her even more than i was. ah well. i hope things get better for the two of you soon, and if i may offer a suggestion, it's as simple as DOING STUFF with her. Go to the movies, a museum, someplace...so that she feels you're there for her.
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