TFS Magnum welcomes comments - be nice or be gone
Unfortunately, there are some guys who are raised that knocking around women is acceptable, and that they are the man's propertly. Even more unfortunately, there are women who grow up with the same values; they believe it is a man's right to command and punish women. These type of women always seem to find abusive men, sometimes going from one to another.
Two things:
First, your commenter is wrong. My abuser was not raised to think that hitting women was acceptable. He *was* raised to find that being hit by women was acceptable, but his mother's behavior does not excuse him. Nor did I grow up with any such values: no one ever hit me in anger or otherwise. Not until I married him.
Second: you ask why women return when you already have the answer in your example: the guy had a relationship with the woman for a month. He refused to let it go; for a year he kept at her. The most dangerous time for a woman is when she tries to leave...and a month is a reasonable time for a reasonable woman to say no thanks.
Here's why it happens: simply because he can get away with it, the same way child molesters are just let go...it's creepy and it can be lethal, but that's how it is.
I have counseled over 3,000 battered women. In that time, only one recognized the extreme danger. She got on the bus, Gus and he has never found her. All these years later, and that s.ob. is probably still looking. She didn't complain about it being unfair, she just left. Gone.
In my years working at a shelter --before they got all feminist and p.c. and made women into victims instead of survivors -- I facilitated a lot of self-help groups. In the course of those meetings, women would ask me "how can you tell if a guy is violent?"
Good question. I thought long and hard about it and drew up a list of characteristics for a 'safe' man. It was a great list. And then I realized that it fit my abuser.
I threw out the list. I'm still thinking about the question.
"The abuse and the deaths go on. I don't think I will ever understand this."
..which reminds me of the line someone once told a cop who was struggling to comprehend the minds of some of the serial rape killers that he was trying to deal with. "if you could understand it, we'd have to worry about you"
As pointed out in the comment above (implicitly, perhaps), in the end more is achieved by figuring out the solutions, by defining a HEALTHY relationship.
I could spout a few general cliches about the general wickedness of mankind, but I'm sure everyone has not only heard them, but all too often lived them.
The message that needs to go out (and sink deep into some damaged psyches) is that you do NOT need to live like this.
It is always a tragedy when this occurs. What's worse is when it was totally preventable. How many of these cases are perpetrated by men who have just been let out of jail by a soft-hearted leftist judge or parole board. IMHO whenever a woman is killed, and the murderer was recently released from the judicial system, or was known to be a threat, the judges and lawyers who helped get him out should be sitting in jail. If the ex-husband kills himself, somebody should still be punished. And that somebody should be the judge who let him out to kill again.
I'd wager that if that were the case, you'd see many fewer wife murders.
Commenting by HaloScan
